he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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