Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
