apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
