I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
