Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
