I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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