Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
