Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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