I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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