I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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