the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
