So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The best revenge is premature balding
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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