areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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