If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
