a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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