You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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