Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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