Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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