I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
