we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize