it's not cheating when I paid for it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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