We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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