I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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