i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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