Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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