So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
