I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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