im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
