Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
