I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
