Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
