I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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