Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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