I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
