these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
