he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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