you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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