I got chris browned last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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