she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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