his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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