Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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