i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
