I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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