Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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