in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
