I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
