i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
