throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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