I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
