Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
