OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
