im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it because I queefed?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
