her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont even know how to be here
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
