Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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