I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
