You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
