OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
