she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
