apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
