Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
