oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
