Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
