Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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