Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
