I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
