he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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