please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
