This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
