He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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