How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
