she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
