Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
