I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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