I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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