I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
