one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
