Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
