chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
