I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
