Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
