I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
