u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
