I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
