YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
