Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
