If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
