I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Randomize
