I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
