I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
