I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
