my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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