Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
