after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
