Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
