I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
