Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
