he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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