guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
