I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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