How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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