my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
