they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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