Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
