At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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