I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize