I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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