U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
