i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
