nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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