But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
