I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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