This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
